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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26201770">No Real Person Involved</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Konbini/pseuds/Konbini'>Konbini</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Succession (TV 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Coercion, Humiliation, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Parent/Child Incest, Protective Siblings, Racism, Sexism, Sexual Abuse, Sibling Rivalry, Smut, Substance Abuse, Unhealthy Relationships</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 07:28:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,669</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26201770</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Konbini/pseuds/Konbini</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kendall Roy is not a real person.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kendall Roy/Logan Roy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. He has taken his medicine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Shiv was thirteen she went through a Spice Girls phase. Her favorite was Ginger and sometimes out of their parents earshot she would sing annoyingly loud and off key. Roman wasn't quite as scathing then but he still never failed to let her know how bad she was.</p><p>And she was <em>bad</em>. Voice grating and high in a way that hurt the ears. If Kendall was honest - it was fucking annoying. At least his rapping had a rhythm.</p><p>She wore cheap plastic bangles - all black - all summer. That year their family vacation, if family included the senior executives, was in the Maldives and Mom bitched the whole way. She considered it too ethnic.</p><p>It didn't bother Kendall, or the rest of his siblings.</p><p>All there was - was clear pure water for miles. All his. Glistening and perfect. All for the cost of a reservation and the promise of a large gratuity.</p><p>Dad went to business meetings and Mom drank on a sun chair - big floppy hat and sunglasses, like a mannequin.</p><p>Mostly Kendall watched Shiv and Roman swim. Connor following along after their Dad on his meetings like a badly behaved dog, always itching to get away. Shiv slipped a thin black bracelet onto Kendall's wrist one afternoon and with some magnanimity he let it stay.</p><p>Kendall would paddle up to Gerri's little island house, Roman splashing after him, and pretend to talk serious business because Gerri was the only one who wouldn't patronize him. Then they splashed around until almost after dinner and snuck back in while the adults were still drinking so they wouldn't be caught with their sunburns.</p><p>Connor would always be stuck at the table, tugging uncomfortably at his collar and cuffs. Always next to Lester, who had a loud unpleasant voice and who was too handsy - hand resting on Connor's neck while Connor comically tried to avoid it - and who never failed to slap the Asian servers on the ass. They would stiffen, and bow, and be quiet on their way out.</p><p>Shiv wore her favorite bikini that year. A high necked piece with frills and matching bottom that tied together at the sides like the worst stripper's uniform - all Union Jack, that they'd picked up in London at the start of the season. She maybe grew a little out of it - not that Kendall noticed exactly 'cause <em>gross</em> - but it wasn't that indecent.</p><p>One afternoon she went missing. Roman came looking for her while Kendall scammed drinks from the bar. Kendall wasn't worried. He told the staff to find her.</p><p>She came back wrapped in a towel, face messy with tears, and Logan not far behind.</p><p>"No daughter of mine is going to be a little fucking slut. Tits and pussy hanging out. Go get some fucking clothes on."</p><p>Kendall and Roman stood frozen, not a breath between them, watching the spectacle unfold until Shiv was out of the room.</p><p>"And what the fuck are you two pieces of shit looking at?" he'd roared at them.</p><p>Even after Dad left, they remained frozen for a good solid minute, afraid to move.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Afterward, when Kendall checks on her Shiv says it's nothing. He pushes and she admits someone untied her strings, though she won't say who.</p><p>Kendall feels an all consuming rage light in him, but briefly, before the thought of Dad tamps it out.</p><p>"It's not your fault," Kendall says, and Shiv's face goes blank in a way that's painfully familiar, "I <em>mean</em> it. What kind of sick, twisted fuck would do that. Touch a fucking kid."</p><p>"I'm not a kid." It's Shiv's voice, but Logan's words, "I'm a woman."</p><p>"Or a woman." Kendall amends, "Any one who doesn't keep their fucking hands to themselves is - <em>is</em> -!"</p><p>Kendall doesn't have a word for how horrible a person that is.</p><p>"But I wore-" Shiv argues quietly and Kendall doesn't even let her finish.</p><p>"So fucking what! I'll go out there naked, in a speedo, in lingerie - <em>right now</em> - and it doesn't matter because it's not a fucking invitation."</p><p>Finally,<em> finally</em>, Shiv breaks into a small teary smile,</p><p>but she never sings again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>In a lot of ways, nothing ever changes.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Only a monster can wake up in his bed, and casually grab breakfast, when he's killed a kid the night before.</p><p>Kendall is a monster.</p><p>And he's lost, floating from one room to another like a ghost. Nothing feels real.</p><p>It can't stand - it can't. Kendall knows it can't stand.</p><p>And then it doesn't.</p><p>Because Dad knows. Dad, who has always protected him, always saved him. Even when Kendall didn't deserve it.</p><p>Kendall is a piece of shit.</p><p>He doesn't deserve saving now either.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Tell Sandy you're out." Dad says when they're alone, "Tell Stewy the thing looks like a shit show. Go to the desert, dry yourself out."</p><p>Orders. Kendall can work with orders.</p><p>He's not been himself.</p><p>And isn't that what Kendall gets when he tries to be any definition of good that isn't Dad's? When he tries <em>not</em> to be a Daddy's boy.</p><p>Every time. Every single time.</p><p>When Dad opens his arms to him, Kendall knows he doesn't deserve it. He's stricken with the generosity, the magnanimity, of the gesture.</p><p>It all falls into place - anything for it all to make sense, <em>anything</em> - when he clings to his Dad and Dad whispers in his ear,</p><p>"You're my boy. You're my number one boy."</p><p>Kendall doesn't want to be anything else, ever again.</p><p>Dad kisses his face like he isn't a killer, Dad gives him absolution.</p><p>Kendall isn't stupid. He knows it doesn't change the fact that he's a monster.</p><p>But he'll make it up. He'll never step out of his lane again, never be bad again, never disobey a word his father says. Never again.</p><p>Of course the sentiment only lasts until he's pulled out of rehab.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Kendall is going to kill himself on a bike. It's going to be an accident and it's going to be what he deserves. He'll drive straight off the fucking bridge.</p><p>Dad sends him a driver.</p><p>And as fucking <em>annoying</em> as it is to have his plans ruined Kendall is relieved for it to be someone else's fault that his plan is thwarted.</p><p>He doesn't want to admit to himself that he couldn't have done it.</p><p>
  <em>Your Dad didn't want you to drive all alone Ken.</em>
</p><p>The implication of love makes Kendall want to cry.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Mr. Potato Head, my plastic adversary."</p><p>Kendall feels nothing at the line but it immediately tells him what kind of meeting it's going to be.</p><p>
  <em>Ken doll? Well, there's one aspect of your name your mother got right. There's nothing between those fucking ears of yours, and nothing between your legs either. At least a fucking ken doll looks like a man.</em>
</p><p>It's necessary. Kendall knows that. He's the one who has done wrong. He's the one who is a disloyal traitor. He'll pay any price.</p><p>If Dad needs to bring him down in front of the others so be it.</p><p>Only, then it isn't everyone. It's just Karl.</p><p>"When did they approach you?" Dad asks.</p><p>And all Kendall can do is stutter like the idiot he is and repeat the question dumbly.</p><p>"uh, w-when did they approach me?"</p><p>"Mmhmm." Dad's voice is low and smooth, "Did it take long or did you open your legs on the first date?"</p><p>Kendall used to feel those insults like a slap to the face. Now, he doesn't feel anything. Still, he stutters.</p><p>"Well, no, th-they took a fair time to persuade me t-to - uh..."</p><p>He doesn't want to admit it was no time at all.</p><p>That he's a cheap date and a cheaper fuck, as Dad would say.</p><p>Ken was trying to be good, trying to be what Dad would want. Only when he tries to be good he's bad. Or maybe when he's bad, he's good.</p><p>He doesn't know anymore. Every thing is all confused.</p><p>The only steady thing is his Dad's word. Something to hold on to, to pull him through.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It should be mortifying, facing every one in the office after.... after everything. Kendall doesn't feel it. Background noise. The humiliation doesn't hold a candle to Dad's fits, historically.</p><p>Kendall isn't a rookie.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>If the boy hadn't grabbed the <em>fucking</em> wheel -</p><p>Kendall doesn't even think it.</p><p>And he snorts park coke so he doesn't have to.</p><p>Ribs Greg as if it's the old days.</p><p>As if anything can ever be normal again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>And it must be the bad coke that makes his shirt stick to his skin long after Greg has left.</p><p>Makes him think of the only comfort he's been offered.</p><p>Dad's arms.</p><p>Rava, he wants to think of Rava.</p><p>He's so touch starved he gets a hard on from just being held. How sick is that? And how could she do it? How could she leave him again? How could she offer him a night without any intention of following through? And how could he think he'd change her mind? And wasn't he good with his mouth? Wasn't that what woman wanted? Wasn't he good? Didn't he wait for her instruction?</p><p>Kendall's wires get crossed some where as he's touching himself.</p><p>And then it's horrible because Kendall thinks of the boy, jarring and sudden, like a jump scare in a horror movie. He wilts in his hand. And he<em> can't</em> think of the boy so he thinks of Rava. Rava. Rava.</p><p>And then he thinks of Dad and its not the boy, its not his failed marriage. Its his Dad being warm with him. Giving him - love. That's all Kendall has ever wanted.</p><p>Kendall tells himself he isn't getting harder.</p><p>He tells himself it isn't working anyway, so Kendall stops trying. Brings an unsteady hand up to his face to cage the unsteady laugh that spills from his mouth that threatens to turn at any moment.</p><p>He doesn't deserve to feel good.</p><p>He doesn't know why he didn't think of that before he started.</p><p>
  <em>Fucking moron.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. You know,  you - you get used to it, actually.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The next morning Kendall tries not to think about it. Just another coke-fueled nightmare. The feel of Dad's arms caging him in.</p><p>Kendall can't look himself in the eye.</p><p>He nicks his face while shaving.</p><p>Stares dully as the blood drips on the porcelain.</p><p>His wrist is still healing, ugly little wound.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Kendall arrives early at the Summer Palace, for Dad, and tangles himself among the help almost like he's one of them. The stench is...not so bad, after the initial eye-stinging pungency has faded. Still, Kendall knows Dad won't like it.</p><p>Dad is his focal point. Do you need anything Dad? What do you want me to do Dad? Just tell me what to do.</p><p>What Kendall is really hoping is that Dad will tell him to rest.</p><p>Kendall wants to rest. Really. He feels bone deep tired.</p><p>Maybe that's why Dad brought them here.</p><p>Only - Kendall knows he has to make up for the fact that he's a traitor first.</p><p>It's not like Kendall doesn't know the rules.</p><p>But he - somehow - he hopes. It's a strange and bewildering thing.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Dad's presence is a comfort. It's like he can tell because he lets Kendall ramble after him like a zombie. Stands close so Kendall can soak him in. So Kendall can feel like things are okay because there's someone he trusts at the controls.</p><p>How could he ever have doubted him? Kendall wonders.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He isn't expecting it right at that moment when Logan asks. They're alone upstairs.</p><p>"So listen, you alright?" It's a bit stilted, uncharacteristic.</p><p>Maybe that's why Kendall stutters like a little boy.  Just like he did when he was young and his voice began to break and it became both personally humiliating and the topic of the household for weeks.</p><p>"Yea-yeah, 'm-uh I'm pretty good. Uh huh. I-I could use some down time...a-at some point t-to-"</p><p>He doesn't get to finish.</p><p>"Ah sure, sure." Dad dismisses, "Just don't...you know..." but Kendall doesn't know, "you know thinking's natural, can't be helped - but you know...in limits."</p><p>"Right, exactly." Kendall agrees.</p><p>He doesn't need rest.</p><p>That's just a lie he tells himself to avoid taking responsibility.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Roman and Shiv ask. Of course they do. Everyone is asking. Everyone is asking all the time.</p><p>The party line is all he can give them.</p><p>"I saw their plan...Dad's plan is better."</p><p>It comes out weak and all Kendall can think is that he's glad it came out okay on television.</p><p>Things go rapidly south from there, and it's nothing if not predictable. What did Kendall expect? He's betrayed them.</p><p>It's Roman who starts in on him first.</p><p>"You do realize how <em>fucked</em> you're going to be as soon as you're no longer any use to him, right? He's got you eating fucking humiliation gumbo on tv, and then what?"</p><p>Then what. Kendall doesn't know. He wants it to stop but doesn't know how to make them stop. It's just all hard to take - right now.</p><p>"Yeah Dad's gonna play a merry tune on you and then throw you out the fucking window. You know that, right?" Shiv sneers.</p><p>Then, something that makes Kendall's stomach twist hotly.</p><p>"He's like a sex robot for Dad to fuck."</p><p>The words ring in his ears.</p><p>"He's like an old beaten dog."</p><p>"Well, he's both of those things and also a piece of shit."</p><p>They keep going, they don't stop and - fuck, Kendall wants them to stop. But he takes it because he deserves it. He deserves more actually - and he knows it.</p><p>"He's a pathetic little fucking narcissist who repeatedly puts his own self interest above everything else and then tries to justify it with half-assed appeals to the rigors of the fucking market."</p><p>"You're a fucking prick." Roman says pointedly.</p><p>"Uh huh. Maybe I am." His voice seems to have left him.</p><p>He gets an eye roll and a -</p><p>"Oh Come on Fuck bag, fight back."</p><p>"Guys I-I just...can't get into it." His voice is still choked and weak and Kendall is suddenly glad he has sunglasses to cover his eyes - blood shot and bagged.</p><p>"Oh you can't get into it? Shucks. Fuck you man. Treat us. Why did you actually back out?"</p><p>Telling would be worse than anything. So he doesn't.</p><p>He never will.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"How dare you apologize to me."</p><p>"You look like shit by the way."</p><p>Carefully crafted zingers on their way out.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Kendall badly wants to do a line in the bathroom. But he doesn't. Because Dad will be able to tell. That - and Dad is keeping him close.</p><p>Kendall actually trips and stumbles into him in the hall when Dad sneaks up on him from behind.</p><p>"Kendall." Logan says, arms out to steady him.</p><p>They're pressed together, Kendall's side to Dad's front.</p><p>"l-lemme just-" Kendall says to prolong the moment.</p><p>Because it's almost like...almost like a hug. Dad's hands fall, one brushing his hip and Kendall shifts forward in spite of himself.</p><p>He expects to be admonished maybe.</p><p>They aren't strictly a hugging family and this attempt has been pathetic if anything.</p><p>But Dad doesn't say anything. He lets Kendall rest against him for the barest of moments before righting him with strong arms.</p><p>"D-daddy." Kendall whimpers. He wants to plead, or beg. He wants his Dad to love him.</p><p>And Kendall had stopped calling Dad that when he was five, it's pathetic. He's expecting a 'Don't be so fucking pathetic' maybe but Dad just stares at him, calculating.</p><p>Kendall feels broken. He'd be calling for Mom maybe - if she'd ever stuck around enough to make herself a choice. Kendall may as well be crying for the au pair.</p><p>Dad is the only one who -</p><p>The only one through which love even seems attainable.</p><p>"S-sorry." Kendall stutters.</p><p>"No, son. It's alright."</p><p>It's permission.</p><p>Kendall lets himself breathe.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Later, Dad puts a hand on his shoulder.</p><p>Kendall doesn't register the warmth until it's gone.</p><p>But it was there, and that's the important thing.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
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